Finally an Update!

Today was the best day I've had in quite a while because waiting in my inbox this morning was this picture!  We have seen her smile in a video, but this is the only picture we have with even a half grin.

So it's grainy and was taken on December 9, but hey it finally got to us and I've got it memorized already.  There were no measurements or anything to go with it, but I'm hoping those might roll on in one of these days too.  I must admit going the last three months with no updates whatsoever has been tough.  This week I've really let it get to me.  I have been checking my email like 20 times a day (unhealthy and irrational I know), and I've had a hard time focusing on my kids, the stuff I need to get done, life in general.  For a case in point, you could ask Jer about the meals I've been making lately...I've seriously cooked up at least five disgusting ones in the last two weeks.  I'm talking way gross.  My head is not in the game!!  I finally broke down to Jer last night about how desperate for news I was getting, and he was sympathetic but may have been questioning my sanity a bit.  I've been praying endlessly and then when I was about to snap there it was...just another tender mercy in this crazy process.  Isn't she beautiful?

Today was double awesome because I also heard back from Xia at our agency.  A few days ago when I realized that new news may never come I had the bright idea to ask her for Leah's old foster sponsorship reports.  Because Leah is in foster care our agency found sponsors to pay for that care and sponsors receive quarterly updates.  We now sponsor Leah and received the last update.  Xia handles the charity work that our agency does with the children who are still in China--many of whom will never be adopted.

Several hours after my first amazing email came a second from Xia that really floored me.  First, she traveled to China in December and actually met Leah in person!  She has held my baby girl.  She said she is darling and getting stronger and mentioned that Leah smiled and giggled for her.  Hallelujah!  She also included the first three foster care reports, and I learned a lot of new information about my daughter.  It's not all pretty but it answered a lot of my questions and gives me such hope for Leah's future.

So, here's what I now know.

Leah with her foster mom January 2011.

Leah was first admitted to the orphanage after she was found when she was about 20 days old.  (I already knew this.)  What I didn't know but assumed based on her tiny state now is that she was incredibly small.  The report that accompanied this picture said that when Leah got to the orphanage she was so small and weak that she couldn't even cry.  That made me cry, and makes me forever grateful that she is a fighter and they were able to save her.  In this picture with her foster mom she is already two months old but only weighed about 7 lbs. 11 oz. and was just over 18 inches long.  It's hard to wrap my brain around that since my boys (except Seth who caught up and then exceeded in about two weeks) were much bigger than this at birth.  Jer and I have speculated that Leah was premature and this seems to support that, but we still don't really know for sure.  I do know now that she was in bad shape when they found her.  My gratitude for her foster mom (who from my understanding has been taking care of her from the beginning) just continues to increase.  It seems to me that she has very lovingly cared for Leah during an incredibly difficult first year.

Leah and her foster mom April 2011.

This picture is Leah at 5 months old.  She was still a fragile 8 lbs. 13 oz. and almost 21 inches.  She at least looks more like a little person and less skeletal.  The report states that she does not have a good appetite, is having difficulty putting on weight, and wakes up a lot at night.  I can only imagine that taking care of such a tiny baby is a lot of worry and work.  I'm so thankful for the care she has received in a home with a foster mom she is attached to.  It does mention in this report that she loves to be held and that she smiles at you when you talk to her.

Leah and her foster mom July 2011.

Leah was 8 months old in this photo.  This report was much more positive and put Leah's height and weight at 22 inches and 11 lbs.  She's growing--albeit at her own pace!  It says that she likes to lie in bed and kick her feet, roll around, and babble to herself.  It also says she responds to her name and smiles at you.

I can't even say what these pictures and having a little glimpse into Leah's past mean to me, and I know they will mean a lot to her someday.  Sometimes the truth can be ugly, but I think when it comes to explaining this all to Leah we will just stick to facts.  It does seem obvious to me that she has a fighting spirit, and she has had some amazing help along the way.  I know God has big plans for this tiny girl.  She has come such a long way already, and I think with some hard work, time, and love she will really bloom.

Now that I've mentioned all the stuff that has kept me on cloud nine all day I'll vent a bit...
**Where is that NVC letter?  That is the next step.  I need a copy.  It's supposed to be in the snail mail, I've requested a copy via email, but nada so far.  I hope I'm not cussing at the mailbox again tomorrow.  As soon as we get this I can send it to our agency, and they send all of our stuff to their reps in Guangzhou, China who take it to the US Consulate there.  Come on NVC!

**When oh when are we going to finish the basement?  This one isn't so much a gripe because we are making progress, but it's just an annoyance.  We did lots of changing/finishing of heating and plumbing down there, Jer did the framing, Jer and his dad did the electrical (thanks Boyd), and we have finally moved on to sheetrock.  On the upside, most of the sheet rockers are Hispanic, and I got to listen to some  sweet Spanish music all day...and did I mention it was really loud?  It was actually quite entertaining.  I would have liked to see the guy that was singing along with it all day for all he was worth.  Oh wait, they're coming back so maybe I will!  The added bonus is the layer of white dust that has drifted up and covered everything upstairs.  Luke and Seth are chomping at the bit to have their own rooms downstairs, Ian is moving to their room, and Leah will get the nursery.  There's a lot to do, but I'm not sure we'll quite make it.  Oh well, we may have to return to a work in progress.

**Last but certainly not least I am aggravated with the USPS!  I got very bad advice from the clerk that helped me the first time I mailed a care package.  I sent it back in November and I think it really was on the "slow boat to China."  Thanks to his awesome help I also have no tracking information other than the fact that it did go through customs as it left California.  When I mailed the second one I got the correct information and used a different service, but according to tracking it's in China but still not at its destination.  It was supposed to take 7-10 days way back in the middle of December.  I just hope she eventually gets both of them.  Our agency suggested sending disposable cameras for her foster family to take pictures of her.  I sent one along with the instructions in Chinese, but I don't know if she got it.  Last minute I threw one into her second care package so we'll see.  The idea is that we get the cameras back when we travel to China, and we have some pictures to fill in the gaps.  Being a compulsive documenter by nature that would really mean a lot to me.  I also sent a little photo album with pictures of us in the first package so I hope Leah has had a chance to see her new family, but I don't know.  It would also be nice to see a photo of her in some of those new outfits with one of the snuggly toys we sent.  I just keep hoping!

Well, if you lasted this long you're more patient than me.  Lately I've reflected often on my patience or lack thereof.  It seems that a lot of what has occurred along this journey to motherhood has been a test of patience--waiting for years to get pregnant with Luke, waiting for the perfect birth mother to choose us for adoption, the awful two week wait after IVF.  I'm not very good at being patient.  I don't like waiting on other people and not being in control.  I'm more of a "take the bull by the horns" kind of a gal.  I do know though that all of these previous tests of patience have resulted in the most amazing gifts in my life, so I'm hanging in there.  I know that there are higher powers than mine at work here.  Miracles take time.  She's worth it.